painful relationship lessons I’ve learned (choices choices choices)

I used to suffer so much in relationships. Not just love relationships, but with family and friends as well. (Yes, family members can be draining, although no one likes to admit it.) Love is not supposed to be painful. These were my lessons, not easy to share, but this is my truth…

I expected the other person to make me happy…

I wanted others to approve of me… so I could approve of myself… (backwards much?)

I didn’t love and accept the person for who they are. I hoped they would change and then got mad when they didn’t.

I didn’t always treat them the way I wanted to be treated. Major double standards. Carrying on about the smallest things, yet, I wanted leeway…

The partnership was not nurturing, loving, or respectful…

I wasn’t honoring my values…

I thought the headaches, nausea, and anxiety were normal…

I wasn’t taking care of myself and the overriding sense of guilt took over… how other people felt was always more important that how I felt… (if that isn’t low self-esteem…)

How is physical, mental, and emotional abuse loving?

I was constantly scared and insecure… true, but I would get defensive if they told me that…

I expected others to read my mind. Can I read theirs?

Did I enter the relationship thinking I could fix them, instead of looking at my issues?

The relationships sucked the life out of me, and not adding to it…

I accepted nonsense, b*itched about it – ALL the time – but did nothing to change it…

I took little or no responsibility for my choices, and I continued to suffer… I stayed because I was afraid…

After many years these are not an issue for me anymore. ALL my relationships now feel solid and support my growth. I endured pain for so long, thinking I had no choice because I didn’t value myself. As I look back, I can see my lessons though, no longer in total blame-mode. Relationships are either mirrors – seeing myself in them or seeing what I don’t want to be like, sponges – sucking everything out me, or uplifting – enhancing my life.

(Why do I follow certain blogs? Because I get something out of it… I grow. That said, I have a lot of reading to do this weekend and I am looking forward to it!)

Living Authentically.

After I wrote this, look at what popped up… I’m not alone!


About Tacey

I'm a free-spirit... Reiki is my way of life... but I also love the 80's, music, art, travel, fashion, tarot, astrology, numerology, yoga, home stuff... and encouraging others. Blogging, photography, and baking bread are my creative outlets... Life isn't always easy for me... but I'm here...
This entry was posted in Life Lessons, Love, Observations, Philosophies, Relationships, Self Improvement, Spirituality and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to painful relationship lessons I’ve learned (choices choices choices)

  1. Aminta says:

    By George you’ve got it! Proud of you… Inner work paid off, now you can step back and see the real Tacey (you know I’m your biggest champion).

  2. ksbeth says:

    excellent and happy you have come to understand yourself so well ) beth

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