I just made a mistake and called myself stupid four times in a row. I cringe when I hear friends say that about themselves. It literally pains me when others put themselves down. Yet, it’s acceptable for me to do that to myself? Maybe most people don’t have this problem, but I’m not the only one. So I wrote this, crossed it out and I ripped it up to be done with it. I don’t want ANY of the children I take care of to EVER EVER hear me say that. And they won’t.
Somewhat related, my script just changed. It is no longer: I can’t do this or that because of such and such… it is now, I CAN do this or that, despite such and such. Sharing with the wrong people was key for me. I had people in my life who may not use the word stupid, but implied that I was incompetent in every other way. With the constant questions, suggestions, nagging, doubts… that my way is always ‘wrong’ and their way is always ‘right,’ they made it clear how they felt about me. I believed them though, because hey, why would they lie, right? But the reality is, other people have their issues, so I can’t adopt them as my own. Words can hurt, but I have the power to flip the script.