Chore: a burdensome and unpleasant task
ICK! Why would anyone want to do chores????
My husband and I never had a formal conversation about caring for our home. Luckily, we know each other’s strengths and weaknesses, so we let go of expectations and give each other recognition for what we do.
Last night, the dishes resided in the sink because we don’t have a dishwasher. Both exhausted from our busy days, with hardly any communication at all, we decided it was more important to reconnect with one another than to clean. After dinner and talking, we went to bed.
However, nothing is more startling than waking up to a messy kitchen, (or a messy anything for that matter) as it sets the tone for the day. This morning, I woke up before David, and stared at the sink, wondering if I could wish it clean… Nope! Soon after, he woke up, made coffee, and started to prepare breakfast. In a few minutes, I went to pour my coffee and he had washed all the dishes. Niiice! I thanked him, and I always do.
David’s contribution to home-caring is washing the dishes. It takes me forever because I get distracted easily (my issues kick in: I can wash only all silverware or only all plates or only all bowls …) and all my “craziness” makes washing dishes a nightmare. David, recognizing this, stepped in where I was inefficient. He didn’t want me to suffer though something for no reason when it isn’t a big deal to him. It used to bother me the very few times they didn’t get washed. But I always have the choice to do them myself…so I let it go…
Cleaning the bathroom is fun for me, not for David. I clean it very often so it never gets that gross anyway. Truthfully, my mother and father contributed to my neurosis about the bathroom, so it makes sense for me to take care of that part of our home. It doesn’t matter when David cleaned the bathroom last, because I hardly wash the dishes. If the bathroom goes uncleaned for a few extra days, I want David to give me space and TRUST that I will get it done. Or he could do it himself.
Getting on the same page with home-caring with your family is essential. Get real about how the home is a reflections of you and go from there. Realistically address concerns and annoyances. Who is better at what? (I’m not sure if taking “turns” works because of the lack of flexibility… it may lead to keeping a list… and then resentment builds… just a thought). Be honest about where you can put more of an effort… come up with a plan. Do whatever to WORK IT OUT. And there is no reason not to revisit the issue until it works out for everyone.
(All that said, I was home before David and breakfast dishes were in the sink. Even though it took me about 30 minutes of stop and go, the dishes are now clean.)